Monday, December 19, 2016

Live to the point of tears

I took a year off from blogging. I needed a year to regroup and refresh. I needed a year to recover from loss. I needed a year to bond with my poodle puppy, Noelle and focus my attention on life, and music and love. It's been a crazy year.

A few days after I wrote my last blog post, my daughter's cat Cyclone had a massive lump growing on his paw pad. We thought it was an abscess and treated it with antibiotics. The lump kept growing. They thought it might be pillow foot, and we put him on different medications. Nothing worked. On December 23, we got the call about Cyclone's biopsy. Cyclone had cancer.

My daughter was devastated. Our whole family cried. He was only five. Cyclone is my daughter's first pet, the first cat she chose for herself and now... What do we do? Do we put a five-year-old cat to sleep? Or do we have his leg amputated? We decided to have his leg amputated. On December 27, Cyclone had surgery to remove his leg.

On December 28, while Cyclone was recovering from surgery, our diabetic dog, April had a massive seizure from low blood sugar. She seized for over an hour. I rubbed glucose on her gums. I held her and waited for her recover. Finally she stopped seizing, but everything that made April April was gone. The next day, December 30, we had April put to sleep. She was two months shy of turning 13.

So, I had a brand new puppy to bond with. My daughter was stressed over her cat. My husband was crushed by the loss of his dog. My heart was torn in so many different directions. My husband's heart emptied and he was lost. What do we do? How do we move forward?

My daughter got her cat back from the vet. He needed extreme care for the first month. Round the clock medications to prevent shock from the pain. But, Cyclone rallied. He took off running the day we brought him home from the vet. Loping around the house on three legs until we cornered him and forced him to rest. The narcotics he was taking kept Cyclone super happy. He was high and purring all the time.

Meanwhile, my husband was falling apart. Again my heart was split in so many directions. Noelle was growing little by little. But, every time my husband saw her, he burst into tears. There was only one answer. My husband needed a puppy.

One thing we learned while April was having her last seizure is neither of us is strong enough to lift a 70 pound dog to the car. We needed a smaller dog. Noelle was going to be a smaller dog, anyway. We settled on a Boston Terrier. Francis came home on January 9.

Francis was born October 30. Noelle was born October 31. Two puppies exactly the same age turned our grief and mourning into hilarity, chaos, and joy. It's been quite a year. I've spent this past year living at the point of tears, and it's been amazing. One year ago today, Noelle came home and brought my life out of darkness. It is good to be living in the light again.

Sometimes words fail to express how I feel inside. That's why I am so grateful for music. My two friends, Hannah Alkire and Joe Scott of Acoustic Eidolon wrote and performed this piece of music that says it all. I'm grateful they gave me permission to share their music with all of you.

1 comment:

  1. So precious! Beautiful presentation. Blessed pets to have such excellent humans.



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