#DOCBurnout2015

I'm burned out. I've blogged about chronic illness. I've written two books about chronic illness. Trying to come up with something new to say makes me feel tired before I even start.

Right now I am recovering from losing my dog. I think about dogs all day. I think about how much I miss my dog. I think about how much I want a standard poodle puppy. I think I'll name her Clara. Or Claudia. Or Meadow. Or Clover.

I am thinking about dogs all the time. What I don't think about is diabetes management. I don't think about MG. I don't think about the intertwining craziness of having both conditions at the same time. Then I sit down to blog and there's no spark left. I've said what I wanted to say. Can I talk about something else now?

I get burned out when the DOC starts squabbling about Type 1 vs Type 2. The Crossfit dust up was the latest. It made me wonder if advocating makes any difference. Comedians still use diabetes as a punchline. People still post pictures of desserts with captions about giving themselves diabetes. Trying to use a unified voice to counter these misunderstandings leads to more T1 vs. T2 bickering. And I get burned out.

I've backed off of blogging because I've been sad. It's hard to blog about the joy in my life when I am sad. My service dog died. My husband's elderly dog has diabetes and Addison's disease. We are getting to the point where 16u is too little and her BG is in the 400's. 17u makes her crash into the 20's Have you ever seen a dog have a seizure from low blood sugar? It's heartbreaking. I know how to rescue April from lows, but every time I do it, I question if it is ethical. Just how much medical pounding does one dog have to endure? She's my husband's dog. I care for April, but the decisions belong to him, and he isn't ready to say goodbye.

I'm sad. I cry all the time. Blogging about diabetes and myasthenia gravis, encourages me to become Our Lady of Perpetual Uplift. Only I'm not uplifting. I'm just me, and right now I hurt inside.