For the past two weeks my blood sugars have been high and hitting the 300 mark way too often. I've tested, and done corrections, but nothing worked. I've been beating myself into a pulp because I can't get things to work right. Temp basals helped, but I stayed above 200 most of the time, which is not normal for me. I felt like a failure.
So, I started to wonder, am I eating the wrong things? I had a salad with zero carbs for lunch and two hours later my blood sugar was 259. What is going on? Maybe I have a bad set? Yank off insulin pump set, put in a new one. It didn't help.
Maybe the insulin in my pump is bad? I dumped the insulin in my pump and tried again. Now it is even worse than before. Blood sugar 283. Give a correction. Two hours later, blood sugar 268. Finally I got angry. OK, diabetes. You want to play rough, I'll play rough. Rage bolus five units. Take that! Two hours later, blood sugar 234.
What The FRUCTOSE is this? Why is this happening? What am I doing wrong? I stayed awake in bed trying to figure things out. No, that's not true. I stayed awake in bed berating myself for being horrible at diabetes management. I put myself down. After putting myself down, I dragged myself face down through the mud.
But, then I remembered something. Everything went haywire after I opened that new vial. Maybe it's not my fault.
I got a new vial, put in a new set, and my numbers have been averaging 100 points lower ever since. All that time I was beating myself up for having crappy diabetes management, the problem was crappy insulin.
I've learned two things from this:
1. Insulin that lost its potency makes my blood sugar numbers go haywire. It works, but not nearly as well. If my blood sugars are averaging 100 points higher than normal, get a new vial.
2. I also learned not to beat myself up for being crappy at diabetes management. I'm not stellar at it, but I don't suck nearly as badly as I think I do.
I wish I could tell you I've learned not to beat myself up, but... I'm still me. There will be a next time. Hopefully it won't last nearly as long. In the meantime, I'm sorry, Marie. Sorry for being mean.