Friday, November 1, 2013

Having a hard time


I know it's diabetes awareness month, but I'm having a hard time. Yesterday I found out my husband's cousin died. Russ was 45 and very dear to our family. He had cancer and fought hard. My heart hurts for his mom and brother and sisters. I close my eyes and I see his smile. Russ had a wonderful way of being in the world and it's not the same without him. We always celebrated Thanksgiving with cousin Laurie and her baby brother Russ was always there. Now there will be a vacant chair.

At the same time my 16-year-old cat is dying. She's skinny and stopped eating. I've had cats for 25 years and I've been down this sad road before. I'm in the middle of trying to decide to have my cat euthanized, or just let her pass away on her heating pad. Neptune doesn't appear to be in pain. She's just weak and sleeps all the time.

Part of me thinks the humane thing to do is take her to the vet and have her put to sleep. The other part of me has dealt with too much death this year already. My mother-in-law died in July, and Russ died yesterday. Now Neptune... I'm lost in the weeds today, unable to tell if I'm heartbroken over my mother-in-law, Russ or my sweet cat. It's all a lump of sadness.

Diabetes awareness month and National Novel Writing Month are both in November. I always wanted to try the NaNoWriMo challenge and perhaps I still will. I don't know how much help I can be in promoting diabetes awareness right now, except to say that emotions impact my blood sugar as much, or even more than, food sometimes. Grief is a roller coaster ride.

The diabetes management skills I'm practicing now are:

  • Remembering to test, even when I don't feel like it.
  • Remembering to eat, even when I don't feel like it.
  • Remembering to bolus, maintain my pump sites, and my pump.
  • Remembering to exercise, especially when I don't feel like it.
  • Remembering to be kind to myself and my family, because sometimes life punches like a fist in the face, and we need to help one another fend off the blows.
I am in tears and I can't see my computer. More later.


 


4 comments:

  1. Really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it. Grief is an emotionally and physcially draining process.

    NaNoWriMo and Diabetes Awareness Month will always be there next year, if it's too much for you this year. Right now it's important to take the time you need to come to terms with loss, otherwise it will continue to impact your health.

    We all feel for you and send you comforting thoughts.

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  2. This makes me sad just reading it, and I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks friends. Your support means a lot right now.

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  4. So sorry for losses. Wishing you an uplift- do what you can in the areas you most need and know it is enough :)

    ReplyDelete

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