Today MG is making it tough for me to speak up. MG stole my speech. I was supposed to record a few chapters in my audiobook tonight, but my speech is unintelligible.
I can feel exactly what is going wrong with my facial muscles and tongue. I'm having trouble closing my jaw, so my mouth is hanging open. The muscles that control my cheeks and jaw are moving in slow motion. Some aren't moving at all. My tongue cannot reach my teeth. It takes 100 muscles working in perfect synchronicity to speak a sentence. Many of my facial muscles are offline right now. Of all the crazy ways MG screws up my body, speech difficulty is one of the most distressing.
Losing my speech separates me from other people. This separation is painful and lonely. I can still participate in community events
from a wheelchair, or sitting down at a table. However, without speech, I cannot
connect unless people are willing to wait for me. Text to speech
technology is clumsy and frustrating. By the time I am ready to make a
comment, conversation has already moved on without me.
There is a difference between choosing to be silent and having silence chosen for you. MG has chosen to silence me against my will. So I am speaking up through my blog.
Although I find the loss of speech isolating in person, I can still connect online, and that matters to me.