It’s Tuesday and like every Tuesday I feel chemo sick. MG is a powerful disease and it takes powerful medicines to knock it down. I’ve been taking weekly chemotherapy pills for five years. I don’t get to stop treatment until a cure is found.
This is my 260th Toxic Tuesday. For the 260th time my skin smells like chemicals. My pee smells like chemicals. My mouth tastes like I tried to eat a copper penny. My stomach is upset and I am exhausted. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop the medical merry-go-round. I’ve done this 260 times and the thought of 261 is more than I can bear.
Of course, the thought of a 259th time was more than I could deal with, but I got through it. I got through treatment number 83, too. And 41. I even made it through the second time. Oh the second time. That’s the chemo where I was lying on the bathroom floor in my own puke because I didn’t think I needed the anti-nausea meds. Wow, did that ever suck. I dealt with all of that. I will deal with treatment 261.
To lift my spirit, and yours, I’m starting a new series on my blog: Because of Tuesdays. Every Tuesday I’ll highlight a joy benchmark that I can only savor because of Toxic Tuesday. This will give me a chance to stop and remember what I'm fighting for.
At the same time I hope the Because of Tuesdays series will give you a chance to just stop for a moment and rest inside. Because of Tuesdays will be an opportunity to kindle your own sense of wonder. Life, no matter how difficult, is full of wonder.
This week, I am dealing with Toxic Tuesday because I want to have eyes that can see. The first thing myasthenia gravis stole from me was my eye sight. Because of Tuesdays, I have eyes that can see.
What a joy it is to have eyes that see.